After my divorce, I stayed single for a long time and have recently started dating again. I’m so nervous about the way my body looks that I can’t imagine letting a man see me naked. How can I relax and enjoy myself?
Dear Self Conscious,
First of all, let me congratulate you on getting back out there. You rock! It’s never easy to start dating again.
Here’s the truth though – I’m going on a limb and assuming that you’re dating men your own age. (Hey, nothing against cougars… but I just don’t get that vibe from you.) – men age too. That’s right; they’ve gotten saggy in important spots too.
And here’s the other truth, they don’t really expect you, or really honestly want you to look like a 20-year-old bombshell. I’ve asked around and while guys like to lust after hot nubile women, if they ever found themselves naked in a room with one, they’d be so nervous and self-conscious they wouldn’t be able to enjoy themselves.
No, here’s what a man really wants in the bedroom… A guy wants a woman who likes herself enough to be able to relax and have fun. That’s the sexiest thing a guy can ask for.
I know, you wish I’d told you to go to the gym and workout or something, right? But really, honestly, truly, this is easier. You’re already perfect the way you are; you just have to start seeing yourself that way.
Start by declaring your bathroom and any other place you see yourself in the mirror as a “no self-disparagement zones.” Every time you start to think something negative about yourself – appearance or thoughts! – stop and make yourself think of five things you do like.
Turning the way you think of yourself will make you more self-confident. You’re awesome and gorgeous, trust me. If you can’t quite believe it coming from you? Tell yourself that I said it. I think you’re sexy. I think you’re funny. I think you’re awesome. For real.
And if you’re still feeling this way when the chips are down, remind yourself that this guy is lucky to be with you and he knows it. He might not be actually sleeping with Heidi Klum, but he feels like he is.
If you have questions, please email them to youwontgoblind at gmail dot com re: mademoiselle x