Have you ever stood in the unisex bathroom of a gay bar and compared boobs with your girlfriends to see who had the biggest set? Possibly after consuming a few neon colored shots? And had a poor soul in a Liza Minelli t-shirt step in to said bathroom, only to run out again, possibly shrieking the words, “worst nightmare”?
Um, I’m not saying that’s happened to me either.
Because it’s kind of weird, right? Especially when you consider that the women involved all had natural boobs. And were over 25. Though not, it should be noted, mothers yet. But this particular group of women, they were very good friends. And pretty drunk. And they all liked their boobs.
You won’t catch women who hate their boobs casually discussing them in front of a mirror. Which is probably why the scenario above doesn’t happen more often. Most women don’t like their boobs. Even women who haven’t had a couple of kids and hit 35 can be heard to complain about their boobs. They’re too small, too saggy, too close together, too far apart. The nipples are too big, too small, too dark, too light. The skin is too pale, too dark, too blotchy. But no one talks in this kind of detail about their shoulders. Or their ears. Yet unless you are a stripper or a porn star, a hell of a lot more people see your ears than your boobs. So why are we so much more critical of our boobs?
Oh yeah, they are sexualized. Fetishized, even. (I’m sure there are people out there who get turned on by ear shapes. But none of them are producing movies or creating commercials yet.) There are magazines devoted to them and magazines that might as well be devoted to them. There are comments in movies and TV shows and in the street. There’s a whole type of surgery devoted to creating the ideal boobs. Well, the straight guy’s ideal boobs, anyway.
Though if you ask most straight guys, they’re pretty much happy with any kind of boobs, especially if they get to touch them.
Boobs can nourish babies. Boobs can be a fun part of foreplay. Boobs can give you an excuse to spend too much on lingerie. And they don’t have to be perfect (whatever your version of perfect is) to do anything of those things. So let’s give them a break. Let’s stop pointing out their flaws and wearing bras during sex. Let’s tell our friends they look boobalicious in their new shirts. Let’s show each other our pretty new bras. Let’s just not do it in gay bars, maybe.