My future husband was away on business for nearly a week. Needless to say I missed
the sex him.
Upon his return, his mother was called to help us out. It’s somewhat sad, in a house with 3 adults and 2 children, we need the help of a mom to get us through, but stick with me here as I explain why we are so inept. You see, my ex-husband is an accountant. As every day comes closer to April 15th, he becomes more rabid. With my future husband out of town and a laundry list of classes and other related what-nots, I needed the ex to work from home a few afternoons.
I have a friendly relationship with the ex, but after 15 years of knowing him, you’d think I’d realize that asking him to do anything at all when he’s stressed is about as advisable as sticking my head in the mouth of a mother grizzly.
Things at home became a battle just as my future husband was coming home early as he wasn’t feeling well.
So, the combination of an overburdened ex, a busy and unwell future husband home a bit early and the week of
PMS and finals made for a very tense household. This is why my MIL was summoned–to kick our asses and keep our kids in line. We all love her.
On morning 3 of my MIL’s visit, she made me breakfast (okay, she made breakfast for everyone because the woman is a saint) and as I was cleaning up breakfast she turned to me and said “It’s not like I don’t logically know that you and my son have sex, it’s that I prefer not to know when you are having sex.”
I probably turned candy apple red. What do you say to such a thing? I thought we had kept things as quiet as possible. But then it got worse because she added “It was one thing when it was 2am and you could reasonably assume that everyone was asleep, but at 8 o’clock in the morning you have to know that people are awake.” She paused. “Including your kids.”
And then I died a bit.
I cornered my beloved a short time later and explained that his mother mentioned that she knows when we’re having sex. He shrugged. “At least she didn’t walk in on us again.”
I have no recollection of such an event and I let him know this by both the look of horror on my face and the high pitched whispered scream “When did that happen?”
Apparently it happened last time we visited her. He says he didn’t notice her either but she mentioned to him that perhaps we should be better at locking the door.
And then he reminded me of the time she pointed out the sex we had at the airport.
So just in case you were wondering, being caught having sex by one of your parents is just as mortifying in your thirties as it was in your teens.
What? That never happened to you? Well, let me tell you this one time…