Confessions From a Fetal Position
You’re getting ready for a party or date night .
You aren’t feeling like yourself these days and it’s even worse when you have to be seen, in any capacity, in public.
You’ve been feeling fat or ugly. Any negative descriptive from how you really want to feel.
You walk into your closet to find something to wear to hide your “troubling” areas. Ha. If that’s even a possibility.
You put on make up to mask your insecurities. It looks just like that. A mask.
You’ve done all you can do. Ready as you’ll ever be.
You head downstairs instead of climbing under your bed covers and curling into fetal position–the way you’d really rather spend your evening.
You look at your spouse and he looks at you the same way he does whether you’re dressed with a make up job or dressed down, hair in a pony tail.
You express to him what you’re feeling insecure about.
He opens his mouth and you expect him to say:
1. You’ll always be beautiful to me.
2. How can I help?
3. You’ll be the prettiest one there.
4. I love you. Always.
5. A combination of all the above.
But instead, as you stand before your beloved, with hope in your heart..his gaze shifts back down to his computer, newspaper or book.
He shrugs his shoulders.
Without meeting your eyes he says, ”Well, what do you want me to say?” and goes back to concentrating on anything other than you.
Really? Not the reassuring words we were looking to hear.
Why is it so hard for some men to read their partner’s pain and comfort them?
Is it a sense of power, knowing that a few words can give a woman a bit of security, if only for a few hours, and they don’t want that to happen?
Is is because they too are feeling insecure and this way they don’t feel alone in their wallowing?
And why do women, when we are down, look to others to bring us back up?
So instead, you leave the house feeling that much worse.
Your fears and insecurities are confirmed in his inactions.
You swallow hard and harden your resolve.
You will try to enjoy yourself.
You nod and accept compliments paid, sure they’re out of pity.
You pray it’s not obvious you’d rather be home under a safe cocoon of covers.
You hope that make up is doing its job.