Dating Rules When You Are Single Again

Feb 21, 2011 by blindgal

The day after Christmas this past year (just two short months ago) I was dumped by my boyfriend of 4 years leaving me to face 2011 as a single mom back on the dating scene. Dating has it’s own set of rules (that have changed considerably in 4 years thanks to Facebook, Twitter and the Internet) and being a single parent changes those rules to a degree.
So what are the rules for dating parents?
I asked my daughters, age 11 and 13, this question the other night. “Mom is obviously going to start dating again, because frankly, I deserve to have a life that isn’t all about you two. What rules do you have in regards to my dating again?” Of course, given the opportunity to make rules for Mom was a powertrip for them and it went straight to their heads. Clearly.
1. Don’t bring any dates home. At home, with the girls, I’m Mom. When I’m out on a date, I’m Becky. The two? Don’t need to meet. At least for a while. The kids don’t need a parade of different people in and out of their life. Keep the two parts of your life separate until the relationship with the guy gets serious. If it never does? The kids are none the wiser.

2. Be sure to put the kids first. They are always going to be your kids. The guy you’re meeting for drinks tonight? May not cross your radar ever again. I make it a point to eat dinner with my girls, help with homework and hang out with them every night before I jump on the phone or answer text messages. If the guy is worth his salt? He’ll understand. If he doesn’t? Why are you dating him again?

3. Don’t take your kids on your dates with you. I don’t mean physically, (well, yeah, I do, but that is sort of a no brainer) I mean mentally, verbally. Again, it’s about keeping the two aspects of your life separate. Just like your kids don’t want to know about mom dating, your date probably doesn’t want to spend the evening listening to stories about your kids.

4. Let your man and your kids form their own relationship. I’ll admit, this is a long way down the relationship road from the first date. But say things have been going well, it’s starting to get serious and you decide it’s time for the two parts of your life to meet. Just because you think he’s a great guy, doesn’t mean your kids will. Be mindful of that, and pay attention to their reactions.

5. Have fun. Being a single dating mom means that I am the only responsible adult in my house. All the responsibilities fall on my shoulders. Bills need to be paid? That’s me. Groceries? Yup, me too. Income? Oh I got that. So, a date? Kinda all about you, and having fun, and letting go and playing after all the hard work you do maintaining a house, working a job, and raising awesome kids.

Those are my top 5 rules to being a dating parent. I’m new on the dating scene again, so I may have left a few out. What are your rules for dating?

Hi, I’m Becky, known around the interwebs as Ms Batman. I blog over at Welcome to my Life where you can read about my adventures of being a single mom to two drama tweens determined to become Divas Extraordinaire. I am a twice divorced, recently dumped after four years woman over the age of 40. So, why am I writing here? Because like the You Won’t Go Blind About Page suggests, this website is “about self indulgence.
It’s about making yourself feel sexy.
And good.”
At 40+ years I’m back on the dating scene, after 4 years. That’s daunting just in the time frame alone, let alone at my age. I’m at my sexual prime. I am old enough to know what I want, what I like, and what feels good. I am secure enough to ask for what I want. Sex is no longer taboo, or something I shy away from like I did when I was younger. Why wouldn’t I write here?

Image: thank you Bing