Faking it

Ladies – When it comes to faking it, I only have one piece of advice for you.

Don’t.

I guarantee it that if you’re with a man who cares about you and knows you, we know when you’re faking it, and contrary to popular belief we do care.

Faking it is disingenuous at best, an outright lie at worst. It says to us “I want this over with.” It tells us that you’re not getting anything out of it and you don’t trust us to handle that fact. It also tells us that you have no interest in working with us to figure out what’s RIGHT.

Listen – the best actress can’t duplicate the physiological process that occurs when we climax. Muscles tighten, juices, flow, etc. If your husband or significant other knows you well enough, we will know you’re faking it.

If you’re faking it – I have one suggestion for you. Stop.

Please don’t insult our intelligence by pretending we’re hitting the spot when in fact we’re a mile off, don’t pretend you like something that you hate (because that often ends in nothing but resentment) and don’t, don’t, DON’T give in and then get pissed off because we notice.

A few rules:

  • If we’re missing the mark say it. Simple phrases like “A little higher” or “Faster” or even “That’s it don’t stop” can go a long way. We’re men, but we (the good ones at least) care more about you being happy than ourselves. Personally nothing is the absolute worst thing you can hear from a partner. We’re listening and we do learn..we just sometime require practice.
  • If you’re not in the mood and we are, (which is the case often) it’s probably not a good idea to “give in”. It’s a recipe for resentment and other bad feelings. If you feel up to giving a little but don’t want to go the whole way, I guarantee you that oral sex or even a hand-job will be just as well received. (If not better, the idea that you’re willing to go out of your way to help us feel better speaks of how you feel about us.)
  • Sometimes the best answer IS actually “Not tonight, I have a headache.” But don’t leave it at that. Make sure your partner knows that you’re not cancelling it, you’re postponing it.
  • Sleep with us. Not just next to us. Let your partner know you’re interested even when sex isn’t on the docket. A strategically placed hand as we fall asleep is always a happy thing. Rolling over and turning your back to us just says “I don’t really need / want you here.”
  • Foreplay can last days. It can start when you get home from work.. It can start days ahead of time.  Sexy text messages at work, the occasional ass-grab.  Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you have to grow out of that.

Lastly, remember that while sex is a serious game, at the same time it is supposed to be fun. As long as you work at keeping it fun, the serious part will work itself out.. If you take it too seriously and try to hard it will just end up uncomfortable for everyone.

photo: google images

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