Pregnancy and Sex – Desperately Seeking Libido
When my husband and I were dating, the sex was addictive. I did all the sexy things a single woman dating a man she loves and is attracted to does. I modeled the lingerie, applied the smell-good goods, and had no problem initiating intimacy. I felt powerful when I did. As you can imagine, my man loved it. I spoiled him with it.
Now, we are married with a two year old daughter and a baby due in February. My,my – how my libido has changed.
During my first pregnancy, I kept reading in the pregnancy books and online info sites, and hearing from other women that the second trimester is the “honeymoon” stage. I don’t know what kind of honeymoon these people were talking about but surely I never experienced it. I never felt more unattractive and out of touch with my body. I’m sure the guilt I felt over my lost libido and my complete lack of interest in sex with my husband didn’t help matters. My breasts weren’t my breasts anymore but bags of milk. My hips weren’t my hips anymore but a cradle for my unborn baby girl. While I was super excited about my baby girl, I was not very excited about myself. How do you explain that to your husband who has gone from lavishing in the fruits of fertile ground to searching for a little water in the desert?
Not much changed after I had my daughter. Whoever said six to eight weeks is enough healing time after a vaginal birth perpetrated a lie! While the frequency of our sex increased, my enjoyment never returned to pre-baby shape. It has not escaped me that the fact that my body did not return to pre-baby shape may have something to do with my lost libido. Despite strapping on my clear platform stripper heals, I still didn’t feel the old swagger, the desire. It felt forced.
Fast forward – Seven months into my second pregnancy, my libido is still evasive. There is no sign of her. Reality has settled in on me like dust after a windstorm. Now, I know that I am going to have to actively seek her out. Sweet talk her. Massage her. Invest in her. Reinvent her. I can no longer expect that she will just mend herself or just randomly emerge from the shadows. She has feelings. She has standards. I am going to have to start feeling good about myself. I am going to have to find what make me feel sexy. Let’s keep it real though…I’m seven months pregnant, so lingerie is not the answer right now. Can you imagine?!