When a man discovers the woman he’s seeing is bisexual, his first thought — once the fits of hyperventilation have subsided — is often that he’s finally hit the jackpot. The reaction is understandable, but how you handle the knowledge could make or break the direction your relationship goes next. Some guys are respectful and thoughtful, while others can barely contain their desire to brag to every buddy they’ve ever known.
More often that not, a man’s entrancement with a bisexual woman’s variable romantic interests undermines the very direction he probably wants things to go with her. To make the best possible impression and ensure you don’t run her off with boorish behavior, here’s what you need to know about the care and feeding of your favorite bi-girl.
Curb your enthusiasm — It’s natural to have questions, and if the lady trusts you enough to share her proclivities then she’ll probably also be happy to answer whatever it is you’re wondering about — within reason. Feel free to inquire about how long she’s been dating women, or what she looks for in a mate. Questions about logistics, favorite positions, or whether she’s a “tits or ass” girl just might get you slugged. Be respectful, not insulting.
Don’t. Even. Think. About. It. — You might be tempted to share your porn collection with your ladyfriend or forward her provocative pictures from the internet, but don’t do it. Really, I can’t stress this enough. She is seeing you because she finds you interesting, handsome, and sexy; not because you two are kindred spirits when it comes to boob appreciation. You would have an aneurysm if she emailed you pictures of gorgeous naked men with comments like, “How hot is THIS GUY?!” because it’s rude, disrespectful, and lethal to your self-confidence. Don’t even consider doing it to her.
“Bisexual” is not code for “polyamorous” — It may be a struggle, but put the idea of a three-way right out of your head. I’m not trying to crush your dreams and tell you it’s never going to happen but, while hetro-flexible women like the company of both genders, it doesn’t mean they want to enjoy both at the same time. Polyamory is an entirely different preference than bisexuality, and they don’t always go hand-in-hand.
Remember she’s still a lady – If she’s seeing you, it’s because she wants to enjoy the company of a gentleman. Save the girl-on-girl fantasy talk for your friends in the locker room, and instead treat her like the woman that she is. If you wouldn’t say it to a heterosexual girl, then don’t say it to her.
Keep her confidence – One of the most difficult things about dating a bisexual woman is keeping the knowledge to yourself. While it’s tempting to share the information with every red-blooded male you meet, don’t do so without explicit permission. There’s nothing more disheartening than meeting your paramour’s friends and watching them spend the rest of the evening winking and nudging each other every two minutes.
You are not a matchmaker – Don’t offer to set her up with other women you know because the clear message here is that you intend to watch or participate (even if you claim otherwise). This makes you an asshole and you should be dumped immediately. If she wants you to arrange an introduction or bring another woman into your equation, she’ll let you know.
Handled correctly, a relationship with a bisexual woman can be incredibly fufilling in many ways. You’ll probably never be able to get a complete handle on your imagination, but as long as your tactful and treat her with respect instead of acting like a frat boy, you should do just fine.