Lousy sex doesn’t just have to be for religious fanatics who feel that “sex is for procreation, not pleasure!” and people who hate themselves or their bodies. Even sexually healthy people in loving, committed relationships can have lousy sex. Here’s how:
1. As foreplay starts, suddenly remember a new bill from the dentist. Mention it to your partner.
2. Do not get a lock for your bedroom door so that your kids can walk in at any moment.
3. Do it on the beach without a blanket, just like they do in the movies.
4. Buy nipple clamps as a surprise for your partner. Try to use them on him/her without having a discussion about it first.
5. Discuss your mother’s impending visit, the kids’ activity schedule or the dog’s visit to the vet after the first few kisses.
6. Be secretly pissed off at someone, preferably your partner.
7. Spend your day trying on bathing suits.
8. Briefly fall asleep during the act. Bonus points if you manage to snore as well.
9. Never cut or file your fingernails. Unless you’re into blood.
10. Leave the TV on, especially if you were previously watching a sitcom with a really loud laugh track and/or Glenn Beck.
What are your lousy sex tips?