When it comes to sex, we pit males and females against each other from the start.
Society teaches boys it’s ok to want it, to pursue it, and that their goal is to capture it. We tell girls they should hold out until they get something of value. We teach boys to be safe; girls that there’s a price to be paid, first.
There is a whole “sex-as-a-commodity” stereotype that educators of the sexes and right-wing-whack-jobs, abhor.
Think I’m being grandiose? While writing this, I picked up and opened the first flyer handy, a Target flyer. The model holding the iPod in the MP3 player advertisment is barely wearing anything. Another? Recently, an Ethan Allen catalog profiled a lovely coffee table with a size zero waif lying across it. Ironically, this detracted from the advert, since I couldn’t see enough of the table to tell if I liked it or not.
Even more: Watch cartoons, kids networks like Nickelodeon, or even Disney. (Where do you think Britney Spears came from?)
Sex sells. Always has. Always will.
I don’t have a problem with sex being a part of us, at all.
What I have a problem with is hypocrites who would have us believe that sex is not a part of us, or that it’s something accompanied by a mental light-switch that can be turned on and off at will. With the people who willingly teach their boys to pursue the girls, and teach their girls to hold out until they get what they want out from boys – a HORRIBLE double-standard that will always come back to bite us in a big way.
Of course, these same hypocrites are often the very ones wearing diamond-encrusted torture-symbols (crucifix), suspended between breasts enveloped by bras designed to orchestrate cleavage where there wasn’t any. Cleavage barely hidden behind low-cut blouses. These women get PISSED when men stare at their synthetic valley. Of course we’re staring at your breasts, you idiot. For the first 18 or so months of a majority of normal life, breasts were directly associated with getting fed – and that connection does not go away, for men or women. I digress.
We are monetizing sex, every last one of us. Assigning it value.
And where there is value, there will always be a debtor/debtee relationship.
It starts out with a subtle, honorable-seeming “if you give me a commitment you’ll get sex”, but it never stops there.
Women dangle sex over men’s heads to get what they want. Then when the sex stops, they’re amazed the guy goes elsewhere.
Think that’s a bit harsh? Let me put it to you this way: By teaching a girl to hold out for marriage, you’re teaching her to only give up the sex when the guy gives her something of value, in this example, the commitment. It’s only natural for that equation to become ingrained within the subconscious mind, causing all sorts of bad habits. From the beginning, girls are taught that sex is something they can use to get what they want, and then we chastise them for using the tools at their disposal.
But that isn’t all there is to it.
Women use sex as a bargaining tactic, too.
The problem is, more often than not, it doesn’t go both ways. If sex can be used to secure the commitment, why isn’t it ok to use the commitment to secure sex? Doesn’t it make sense that once you’ve made the agreement to trade sex for commitment that both parties need to keep up their end? Why do women feel that once they have the marriage license in hand that sex doesn’t matter anymore?
Conversely why do men feel like it’s ok to cheat even when everything else in the relationship is perfect? (Hint: When you put a stop payment on a check, it negates any contract contingent on that payment.)
And we wonder why our divorce rate is so high.
Women bear the brunt of sexual responsibility. Nature has saddled them with the ultimate responsibility: getting to bear the kids, and often being the main person raising them. They inherit the ultimate responsibility by just by virtue of their gender.
Men have their responsibility in this as well, but let’s face it folks, men often suck at responsibility – that’s our teaching as well. Society doesn’t teach men to revere a sexual relationship with a woman, or fatherhood, though over time some learn better than others.
Men and women both are not taught from the ground up the ultimate responsibility that is to be had, and we DO NOT teach them to take responsibility for who they are as people, human beings, potential parents, and for the little lives they might create.
This cycle has to end.
As long as sex is used as the hook, and the club, we will never have REAL relationships, only business transactions wherein no party ever truly observes full disclosure.