Is There More to Marriage Than Sex?
By L. Lopez
I did not get married to have sex.
Let me say that again. I did not get married to have sex. Saying that, I did get married to have sex because when I was growing up it was stressed, and I believed them in a very odd way, that you could not have sex, literally, if you weren’t married.
That said, it wasn’t my reason for walking down the aisle. I did it to have a partner. To have someone to go to the movies with. A friend to walk in the park with. I wanted someone to help cut the grass and pick out furniture, and raise kids, and annoy me. I needed someone to support me and cry on my shoulder. I married for a bunch of reasons that had very little do with sex.
I’m telling you, if you get married to have sex, eventually, you’re going to be disappointed.
I’ve been married a few decades now, and I know, the kids come and your desire for sex, the energy, and the alone time, is going to be hard to find. They grow, so it gets better. But then you have stressors like the job, the mortgage, Little League, and growing old pains. There will be a time in your life when you give so much to everyone else that you don’t feel like a person. And who wants to have sex when you feel less than attractive?
That’s when you discover, if you’ve married wisely, that life as a married couple is so much more than sex. It’s also the test of a marriage.
Believe it or not, there are married couples who rarely have sex and both parties are happy.
Or never have sex and maybe never will because they married for the companionship not for the physical union.
My marriage began like many other marriages, we had sex and lots of it, every day, several times a day. My husband is military so there was a year we spent apart and had no sex. On his return, it was like having sex with someone new. Then the kids came and the energy and desire waned. As they grew, we bought a house and suddenly the kids became teenagers and we worried if we made noise they’d know what we were doing. (Not sure why we thought this mattered.) Now we are both nearing fifty and with the economy the way it is, both our jobs are at risk. Add more stress, some minor physical ailments, and for a time I wondered why I remained married.
If I wasn’t having sex with this person, and I wanted to, then why was I still keeping the house and kids and cooking and all the other things that goes along with being married?
I came to realize is my spouse is my best friend. I don’t need sex to be happily married, I simply need my friend.
Life is hard. Being in a long-term committed relationship will be the hardest thing you ever do.
Be honest with yourself and your expectations and be open with your partner about your needs, desires, and your willingness to share theirs.
That is the key to a long happy committed relationship.