There’s plenty of advice out there on the art of fellatio, including posts here on You Won’t Go Blind.
But I’d like to think I, and my fellow gays, have a perspective on the act that separates us from those generic “how to” instruction manuals.
I want to share a few notes I’ve learned the hard-on way: with my mouth on one and a mouth on mine.
Talk first. Whether it’s your first time or your five-hundredth, if you want to give a mind-blowing BJ, you need to talk to us first. Nobody knows his member like he does, so ask what he likes. Don’t expect us to pipe up on our own — we know better than to offer unsolicited ideas— so it’s up to you to ask. I’ve learned more by listening for twenty minutes than I could have in twenty years of trial-and-error.
Inspect the goods. Before you put your mouth on it, take a minute to give it a good look. Take note of the size (length and girth), the shape, and the general landscape of the particular penis in front of you. Most importantly, figure out if your fella has had the big snip. If you don’t know the difference between cut and uncut, or how to tell them apart, please Google it right now.
A foreskin is not the end of the world. Boys and girls, uncut cocks exist. In fact, they are by far the male majority, so you’ll probably meet one at some point in your life. Personally, I love an untrimmed man. Yes, they require a bit more care, but so does a Ferrari. Once it’s had a good wash, you’re ready to rev him up.
Handle with care. Your man may be rough-and-ready, but his package is not. Penises, and especially balls, are incredibly sensitive organs. Unless you know he likes it rough, please be gentle. Nothing will put an end to the passion — forever — quicker than manhandling his manhood.
His boys are not your toys. A lot of “great blowjob” guides can’t gush enough about playing with a guy’s balls. It’s true, some guys really like it — I’ve blown guys who got off in minutes if their nuts were tongued the right way. Some of us, though, want no part of it — they’re just too sensitive. This goes back to #1: Before you decide to roll, suck, lick, and tug them, ask if it’s okay.
By the way, if you want to know what it’s like to have your balls mishandled, have someone kick you in both kidneys. Not at all sexy.
Take your time. Unless he’s due somewhere, there is no reason to rush. Most of the bad tongue service I’ve received was the result of haste, not lack of technique. Work slowly. There will be plenty of time for the fast and the furious when he’s ready to go over the top.
Pay attention. Sex should be fun for both sides, but this is an area where you don’t want to lose focus. Pay attention to how he responds. Some signals are obvious, like moaning or wincing, but others are more vague — that sudden tense-up could mean you hit the wrong spot or the jackpot. If you’re paying attention, it shouldn’t be too hard to tell.
Deep-throating is overrated. For some reason, deep-throating has a reputation as the pinnacle of penilingus. Frankly, aside from the psychological buzz of “being all the way in”, it’s really not that great. I’ve done it, and had it done for me. Guess what? The sensation just isn’t there.
Don’t feel like you have to go deep to give good head. Your tongue is where it’s at.
Swallowing is Not a Must. Like deep-throating, swallowing is a purely psycho-thrill for a guy. I’ll freely admit it: I want my guy to swallow and come back for more, but I don’t want to do it myself. If it’s going to be an issue, I suggest the snowball — I’ll swallow half if he’ll swallow the rest. Fair is fair.
Ask for a show. I’ve been masturbating for the better part of twenty years — I know how I like to be handled. I can get myself off in under five minutes, but if left alone, I can entertain myself for at least an hour or two. If you want to do him right, ask to watch while he does himself. Again, you’ll learn more by letting him lead the way than you ever could charging around in the dark.
Not every guy likes to get head. I know, it’s a shocking revelation, but blowjobs are not a universal pleasure. Some guys are too sensitive to enjoy it, others are gun-shy from bad experiences in the past, and some of us just plain don’t like it. The only way to know? Back to #1: Talk to your man.
JR is a writer, raconteur, and paragon of virtue with a wide range of professional interests, including law, technology, fashion, and men. In his off time, he enjoys many of the gay guy essentials: cooking, fine wine, good music, shopping, and gossiping with his girlfriends. When it comes to sex, JR makes no claims to being an expert – just really horny.