Oral Sex Linked to Cancer? Just Shoot Me.

According to recent news reports, oral sex might be linked to cancer of the mouth and tongue. If further studies end up confirming these initial findings, mental health clinics had better brace themselves for an onslaught of depressed people needing treatment.

I’m to trying to imagine a life without oral sex and it’s about as unpleasant as picturing Betty White in bed with Abe Vigoda. Giving and receiving good head is one of the best things about sex and taking it away is tantamount to sticking sewing needles under my toenails. Its effect on foreplay would be devesating and, though there are other ways to make your partner the center of sexyfuntime attention, they’re not nearly as much fun. We also couldn’t run articles like this one by Melissa.

I’m about to throw myself down on the couch, prostrate with grief. I get yearly exams and mammograms, don’t smoke, and won’t vacation at Three Mile Island, all in the name of avoiding cancer. For the love of all that’s holy, scientists, don’t take away oral sex. I don’t think I could live without it, and I’m not sure I’d want to try.

What about you, readers? Would you miss oral sex if it was taken off the pleasure menu? Is there something you’d miss more? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Image: The Scream by Edvard Munch

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'Oral Sex Linked to Cancer? Just Shoot Me.' have 3 comments

  1. January 30, 2011 @ 2:38 pm Tweets that mention Oral Sex Linked to Cancer? Just Shoot Me. | You Won't Go Blind -- Topsy.com

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Melissa, Kat. Kat said: "Oral Sex Linked to Cancer? Just Shoot Me" http://is.gd/FuFVWX <– I'd throw myself off a cliff. […]

  2. January 30, 2011 @ 4:13 pm Shredderfeeder

    you mean there is such a thing? I thought that oral sex only existed in mythology. Post-marriage that is.

  3. January 30, 2011 @ 5:55 pm ShredderFeeder

    Ok, the article referenced by Lisa is complete and total crap. I read it. “Hire instances of cancer” Really? “HIRE”? And even the underlying article’s (USNews) contains nothing but supposition and faulty logic.

    “Oral Sex” doesn’t cause cancer. This article is designed to try and scare people away from oral sex (good luck with that – IMHO)

    **HPV** causes cancer in fairly rare occurrences, when left untreated, like about a billion other chemicals, viral, and bacterial infections, and a trillion things we DON’T yet know about.

    Oral sex is but one of a million ways to get HPV, right up there with kissing (gasp?), and not washing your hands after wiping.

    My old mantra – follow the money. Even money says this “study” is funded by some group with the world “Family” somewhere in the name, and any scientist who participates must have any work, future and past, looked at with a very skeptical eye following something as idiotic and alarmist as this.

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