Sex and the Single Parent

by: lisah

Single parents, raising kids alone doesn’t mean your sex life is over.

Whether you’re solo parenting by choice or as the result of  divorce, there’s no need to box up your sexy side and stick it on a shelf until the last of your brood leaves for college. All you need is a little creativity and some advance-planning.

Here are some tips to get you started.

Know Your Emotional Limits– Before you place that personal ad or go on a blind date, make sure you’re clear what you’re looking for. Not ready for a new relationship and just want a roll in the hay? There’s nothing wrong with that, just be sure you don’t end up knee-deep in a situation where one of you wants more than you’re ready to give. Make sure you also communicate your intentions to a potential partner before sex starts to avoid any misunderstandings.

Take Contraceptive Control – Unless you’re ready for an unexpected increase in your family size, decide on your method of birth control before you need it. Oral contraceptives aren’t effective for the first month, an IUD insertion takes you out of commission for a few days, and other methods, like the NuvaRing, require a prescription. Sure, it may feel weird to be using birth control when you’re not even seeing anyone, but you want to be prepared in the event Mr. Right crosses your path unexpectedly.

Get Tested – Even if you’re 100% positive you don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases, get tested anyway so you have proof to show your new partner. Even if he or she doesn’t ask you for it, it’s a good thing to have the report, just in case. And really, you and they should be asking for proof of sexual health in this day and age. Don’t be afraid to ask to see test results from a new partner before you do the deed. If they freak out or get offended, that should set off some pretty loud bells about who you’re dealing with.

Be Sneaky –The hardest part of indulging your romantic life when you’re single is figuring out where the hell to have sex without alerting the kids. It’s pretty awkward to explain why the “friend” that dropped by last night is sitting at the kitchen table in the morning, so figure out ways to be less flagrant. Get together during the day while the kids are in school or  consider having your paramour drop by once the kids are in bed. Yes, you’ll be up later than usual but it’s worth it, yes?

Keep Your Sense of Humor – Even the best plans can get go awry when Junior wakes up with a fever just as you’re both at a fever pitch of your own. No matter how carefully you’ve planned your romantic tryst, kids will unwittingly put a damper on things once in a while. There’s nothing you can do about it but laugh and try again another time.

Mix it Up – Couples who live apart need to get creative to fan the flames of desire. Send each other naughty texts and racy pictures, have phone sex, or spend some time on a webcam when you can’t be together. Single parenting isn’t a death knell to your sex life as long as you’re discreet and resourceful.

If you’ve got tips on sex and solo parenting, share them in the comments section below!

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