Sex? Do I HAVE To?

Feb 9, 2011 by blindgal

After getting 2 kids & myself ready & out the door in the mornings I am usually exhausted by the time I get to work. Facing me when I get there is a lot of paper work, a lot of clients, a lot of phone calls & emails & not a lot of time. I am there for 8 hours, but you wouldn’t know it by the amount of work that either piles on my desk or (lucky me) gets brought home to finish.

After work I get to cook dinner, help with homework, give baths & do the bedtime routine. When all of that is finished & I can finally sit down, relax, put my feet up & dive into the latest book I’m reading I usually have my third child (whom I am legally bound to for forever) giving me “the look.” Come on ladies (and guys too) you know what look I’m talking about. The look that says, you have been neglecting me, why don’t you come into the bedroom so I can give myself, err, you a few minutes of pleasure.

For a long time I’d follow him to the bedroom & pretend to love the intimacy we were sharing all the while thinking “Is my sister taking them to daycare in the morning or is it my turn? Will I get my work done tomorrow or was it stupid not to just bring it home tonight? Did I sign that permission slip & return it to the rightful folder? Oh wait, what is the book about again? Oh yes, I can’t wait to get back to it.” Then reality sets back in, “Oh yes honey that was great, thank you.”

I’d hurry out to get back to my book & my 15 minutes of silence before heading to bed myself. I was exhausted & sex was just another chore. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, I love the emotional connection, I love the passion and I definitely love the pleasure, but who thought sex during the work week was a good idea? I am too stressed out & too tired for this.

Of course he started noticing & getting suspicious that it was him. It had to be that I was either no longer attracted to him or he wasn’t able to pleasure me. After being able to read after the kids went to bed 4 nights in a row I knew something was wrong. He finally brought it up to me & asked was it him? I gave him it’s the “it’s not you it’s me speech” then sighted all of the above for him. He didn’t give me “the look” again until the weekend. The following week, no “look” was to be found in our home & truth be told I knew he wasn’t happy about it & I started missing it. Something needed to be done.

We sat down & talked & came up with what would work for us. He would help with homework while I made dinner, we alternated the bath time routines & we BOTH did bedtime. The first night there was no need to give me a look at all. I was in our bedroom waiting for him; after all it was a turn on to see him working with me as a team, spending time with his kids & wanting to make things easier on me even if it was for selfish reasons. The second night took a little “look” (hey my memories not what it used to be, okay!?) When I went to fill the obligatory duty (giving it the feel of more of a chore than anything good again) he sensed it. Instead of saying anything about it or getting upset he took my hand & told me to lie on my stomach. I have to admit at this point I was getting a little scared of what was going down, but when he started to give me a massage & ask me about my day the chore feeling melted away.

I have never had the chore feeling come back again. He knows when it’s time for the massage & when it can be quick. I know too many young couples with young kids who put their sex life on hold because it’s too much of a chore. I cannot tell you how happy I am that my husband didn’t give up that easily on our sex life & I’m not sure who told him about the massage & talking, but God Bless You for it.

So tell me, is your sex life more, “Do I have to?” or “Let’s Go?”

photo: google and superstock