After getting 2 kids and myself ready and out the door in the mornings, I’m usually exhausted by the time I get to work. When I get there I’m faced with paper work, clients, phone calls, emails, and not a lot of time to juggle them all. I’m there for eight hours, but you wouldn’t know it by the amount of work that either piles on my desk or (lucky me) gets brought home to finish.
After work I get to cook dinner, help with homework, give baths and do the bedtime routine. When that’s finished and I can finally sit down, relax, put my feet up and dive into the latest book I’m reading, I usually have my third “child” (whom I am legally bound to for forever) giving me “the look.”
Come on ladies (and guys too) you know what look I’m talking about.
The look that says, you have been neglecting me, why don’t you come into the bedroom so I can give myself, err, you, a few minutes of pleasure.
For a long time I’d follow him to the bedroom and pretend to love the intimacy we were sharing, all the while thinking, ‘Is my sister taking the kids to daycare in the morning or is it my turn? Will I get my work done tomorrow or was it stupid not to just bring it home tonight? Did I sign that permission slip and return it to the rightful folder? Oh wait, what is the book about again? Oh yes, I can’t wait to get back to it.’
Then reality sets back in, “Oh yes, honey that was great, thank you.”
I’d hurry out to get back to my book and my 15 minutes of silence before heading to bed myself. I was exhausted and sex was just another chore. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, I love the emotional connection, I love the passion and I definitely love the pleasure, but who thought sex during the work week was a good idea? I am too stressed out and too tired for this.
Of course he started noticing and getting suspicious that it was him.
It had to be that I was either no longer attracted to him or he wasn’t able to pleasure me.
After being able to read uninterrupted after the kids went to bed four nights in a row, I knew something was wrong. He finally brought it up to me and asked was it him? I gave him the “it’s not you, it’s me speech” then cited all of the above for him to understand.
He didn’t give me “the look” again until the weekend.
The following week, no “look” was to be found in our home and truth be told I knew he wasn’t happy about it and I started missing it.
Something needed to be done.
We sat down, talked, and came up with what would work for us. He would help with homework while I made dinner. We alternated the bath time routines and we BOTH did bedtime.
The first night there was no need to give me a look at all. I was in our bedroom waiting for him; after all it was a turn on to see him working with me as a team, spending time with his kids and wanting to make things easier on me even if it was for selfish reasons.
The second night took a little “look” (hey my memory isn’t what it used to be!) When I went to fill the obligatory duty (giving it the feel of more of a chore than anything good again) he sensed it. Instead of saying anything about it or getting upset he took my hand and told me to lie on my stomach. I have to admit at this point I was getting a little scared of what was going down, but when he started to give me a massage and ask me about my day the chore feeling melted away.
I have never had the chore feeling come back again.
He knows when it’s time for the massage and when it can be quick.
I know too many young couples with young kids who put their sex life on hold because it’s too much of a chore. I cannot tell you how happy I am that my husband didn’t give up that easily on our sex life.
I’m not sure who told him about the massage and talking, but God Bless You for it.
So tell me, is your sex life more, “Do I have to?” or “Let’s Go?”
images: Google and Superstock