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Sextrology for July

Capricorn– Your sex life is starting to sound like a Night at the
Museum, and I’m not talking about Ben Stiller and monkeys. When exactly
was the last time you had a mastodon run down your halls?  This month,
explore your prehistoric wing and let that wild cat out of the bag.

Aquarius – You are down with OPP (Other People’s Pleasure)! But what do you really want in the bedroom? Starting now, do exactly what and whom you feel like doing. Your “P” will surely thank you.

Pisces– Your sensitive nature and July’s smoldering heat makes you feel
like a fish out of water!  Time to come to your senses in
more ways than one.  Try listening more to your body and less to your
brain (just for this month). Oh, and a little ice play goes a long way.

Aries– If you are in or out of a relationship, chances are you’re
still looking for a little more excitement to light that ass on fire!
This month add allure to your life and pretend your partner
is a stranger. Heck maybe they are! Not only will it be a super
festive experience, but it will feel like you are doing something and
someone new every day.

Taurus– Can you fit anything else in your mouth? You are consumed with
consuming. Giving new meaning to the Jaws of Life, you may be
neglecting other aspects of the sexual experience.  This month
refocus your efforts on filling up the other holes in your sex life.

Gemini– When it comes to sex you are 50 Shades of WTF.  It’s unlikely
that you will find a boo that’ll meet the needs of all your
different personalities.  Time to figure out which of your 50 Shades
goes to the bedroom, and which just likes to watch and provide

Cancer-Why so serious? At times you are jealous and a little crazy.
You can be intense during the winter when it’s OK to sit on top of
people, because it’s cold. This month, be a little more spontaneous,
learn a couple of new tricks and then turn some.

Leo– You have one of the most sought after talents in the known
universe, charming the panties off or, conjuring the magic stick.
You are salaciously bossy and commanding and your partners
usually succumb whether it’s in their best interest or not. But you’d do better without all that bite (the ones that weren’t asked for–rather).

Virgo- Some say they prefer a “lady in the living room and a whore in
the bedroom”  this commentary is clearly inspired by a Virgo. Your
outward appearance is so tidy, but we all know you would do something
strange for a piece of change. This month try to be less
elusive about your clandestine disposition. No one benefits from
flying their freak flag at half mast.

Libra– You are such a freakin’ lady.  It’s admirable to most, but
during the summer it can be quite boring an uneventful.  At some point, grab a cocktail, and listen to  the
explicit version of Trillville’s “Some Cut” featuring Lil Scrappy Repeat until you have a
good buzz and feel dirty. From there, find a creaky mattress and
get it in.

Scorpio– For the most part you are still a dirty little slut. But see,
that’s what makes you so exciting! This month instead of being such a
heat seeking, wild ass, try to control your..eruptions.
It’ll be a great exercise in self-restraint, and increase your
pleasure principle when you resume your lascivious ways.

Sagittarius-You enjoy sex like a sporting event, so have an O-lympics and challenge yourself to 31 positions for each day of JulyIf you’re single this game can turn into a nasty little adventure! Make sure to set Gold, Silver, and Bronze levels so you can still feel like a winner even if your choo choo gets tired.

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