The Hair Down There: Depilatory Dilemmas

I recently had an online discussion about landscaping with my female friends.  We discussed it for DAYS.

Who knew such a mundane (I thought) subject would illicit so many opinions from a group of women who literally live all over the world? I was delighted at the furor of posts that flew hard and fast about what a gal goes through (or not) to keep herself tidy below the belt.

I admit to stirring the pot by talking about my love affair with waxing. 

A few years ago I started writing beauty reviews for a prominent New York-based website and one of my first assignments was to try out a Brazilian wax at an establishment competing with the famous J Sisters company. Up until that point–we’re talking decades here–I’d only used a razor to trim the hedges, so to speak. Well, after that first wax, I was a convert. In fact, I  took a personal oath to recruit as many women as I could to partake in this phenomenon. I mean, DID PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THIS? No more Nair, no more contorting yourself in the shower. This was freedom!

And so I waxed on (I know) about it at parties, bat mitzvahs, and wherever I could bring it up to my fellow lady friends. Because,  I have no shame and what else is there to talk about? Babies? No thanks.

The result was always the same and similar to my online discussion–there was either fear, loathing, or a longing to try it.  

I wanted to really address the two issues of fear and longing (loathing I have no time for) and decided to go to Completely Bare in New York City so they could answer the concerns women have about bikini and Brazilian waxes. The owner of CB is Cindy Barshop,  a former cast member of Bravo TV’s Real Housewives of New York City.

I was due for some maintenance anyway, so I decided to interview my technician Ildi while I was there–you know knock out two birds with one bush! (I know, I know!).

We talked about two things:

The Fear: Many women believe a wax is going to hurt like hell. They’ve seen Steve Carell on The 40-Year Old Virgin and think there’s going to be painful horrible and ripping. Or they’re scared of the idea of it in general.

The Reality: If you’ve given birth–you can damn near sleep through a bikini wax. And if you haven’t given birth, good technicians like Ildi are gentle and work in a Lamaze like manner, having you breathe in and out at the right moments. Sure, it may sting some if you’re ultra-sensitive (and good places have wax for sensitive skin).  But you will not die. I promise. Some gals take an Advil beforehand, but Ildi believes that’s more of a placebo than a necessity. Her recommendation if you’re that nervous? A little drinky drink beforehand. A glass of wine and you’ll be fine.

The Embarrassment: The idea of a woman seeing your vagina? Well, glory be, I mean, what the what? Or, you’re feeling a little red in the face because it’ll be your first time and frankly, things are a little Bush Gardens down there.

The Reality: Ladies, we are all females. We have the same parts. Waxers have seen all the external bits your gynecologist has. They aren’t giving you a Pap smear! And seriously they are not ogling you or all secret lesbians. These women are too busy doing their jobs preparing strips, removing strips, etc. They are working quickly because the best waxers are seeing DOZENS of women a day. This isn’t a touchy-feely moment. You cannot shock them and this is not a sexual experience.

Oh, and for the woman who is in between grooming because she’s new to landscaping or she was in-between downtown visitors so had no reason to bother her nether regions? Our friend at Completely Bare says two things:

Let Us Trim You: A quality waxer does not mind doing this. In fact, they prefer it. This way they can make sure everything is removed evenly

DON’T Shave Beforehand: Like the person who cleans before the maid arrives, shaving before a wax is useless. If you do that, you may not have enough hair left for a service.

Now, once you’ve decided to take the plunge there are a plethora of options–from a simple bikini wax which is merely shaping up the sides and top of the pubic area, to full Brazilians which is, well, completely bare. Then there are choices in between. It’s all custom tailored to your comfort. Prefer everything off except a little “landing strip”? Easily done. Want to have a little triangle? No problem. Just talk to your technician and they’ll do your bidding.

Want to get fancy? Completely Bare is all about it, especially with their Vajewel service.  I wanted to jazz it up, so I went ahead and tried it. Had the word “sexy”  in sparkly Swarovski-like jewels applied. I could have opted for a heart, a bird or something more modest, but I figure, if you’re going to go for it, GO FOR IT.

I felt like a superstar. I understood why Paris Hilton and all those L.A. starlets don’t wear undies.

When you’re Vajeweling–you don’t wanna wear anything! It was so cute!

Ildi told me if I was careful, the crystals could stay on up to two weeks, even with showering.

Mine came off in two days. I’ll let you figure out why.

 

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'The Hair Down There: Depilatory Dilemmas' have 13 comments

  1. June 13, 2012 @ 8:19 pm Liz

    This was magnificently written. It almost made me want to wax. If, God forbid, my husband meets an untimely demise and if, miracle of miracles, I ever have a new gentleman caller, I just might consider it. :)

  2. June 13, 2012 @ 8:26 pm Miss Rose

    I cannot have too much hair down there at this point in my life. It’s hot. I’m in menopause. It’s hot. I’m hot. Well, you get the idea. Waxing does not hurt and I have a great lady who has been taking care of me for quite some time. Worth every penny to feel fresh and clean. Waxing is not just for the summer !

  3. June 13, 2012 @ 8:42 pm Chanize

    Well, for people who don’t do ANY landscaping, I’m trying to convince them to go because at least the “summertime” argument can maybe get ’em in the door! LOL. I am convinced once they start, they won’t stop. But then again, some women stop shaving their legs in the winter as they like the extra ‘coat’, so…

  4. June 13, 2012 @ 9:38 pm Ann

    timely article. i just had a conversation with my friend who just had her first experience. Even though she said it hurt she encouraged me to do it. i’m still on the fence as me and pain don’t get along well.

  5. June 13, 2012 @ 9:50 pm Kathybat

    I landscape, but I make hubby do it usually. He wants it more then I do (I do like it better that way too though) and frankly, it’s a lot easier for him to get those angles than for me to do.

    But come on, who ya kidding! I’ve tried waxing my legs…breath in and out is crap LOL. I’ll end up going laser…still painful but at least there is an end to it more or less and not a trip back every few weeks for the rest of my natural life!

    I gave birth naked in a room full of people at home, including a male friend, I have no problem with a tech getting down in my wooha. One of these days…

  6. June 13, 2012 @ 9:57 pm Chanize

    The first time I waxed, the tech did Lamaze breathing, and she was intense! Not everyone does it, but I was caught up in it. So, maybe it’s a distraction technique! I don’t need it now, but newbies might welcome it (or the drinky drink!). Now laser…we need to discuss. That’s going to be a part 2 post, because I’m actually considering that for the very reason you mention, Kathybat–the permanence. Figure the cost of waxing every 5-6 weeks x how long vs the cost of a few months of laser and you’re definitely saving $$.

  7. June 13, 2012 @ 10:39 pm Mitchtress

    You know, for me, the problem is climbing up onto a table, getting on my hands and knees and having some stranger touching amongst my lady-bits. Going to the gynie is one thing; I just close my eyes and think of England. But that’s mandatory. So long as they make good electric trimmers, I’m happy!

  8. June 13, 2012 @ 10:45 pm Chanize

    Getting on your hands and knees? Noooo, that’s that not required. You can lie back and think of England here too. You will have to lift your legs at one point though for the backside, or turn on your side, depending on the waxers style. But even then, you can say “can we do it this way?”. But no, no doggie style required! See? This is why I had to write this thing..lol

  9. June 14, 2012 @ 5:44 am Kathybat

    That’s what I figure about lasering, I’d either save over time (including time and expenses to get to appointments) or break even basically. I’m horrible at just getting in to have my hair cut, no way can I make it in all the time to do top hair and bottom hair! Combining a place doesn’t help because I’ll put it off longer since I’d have to be there longer AND make an appt. where they can do both…and while I know in my heart that is easy enough, my brain gets all panicky about it and avoids making the call like crazy!

  10. June 14, 2012 @ 2:00 pm Kathybat

    Oh, and things like Nair don’t work for me. I don’t know why…I get a lot of hairs breaking off above the skin, and what actually does leave smooth skin behind when I rinse it off just has stubble the next day as if I’d only shaved.

  11. June 14, 2012 @ 2:04 pm Chanize

    I like Veet better than Nair if I can’t make it to the waxer. It seems to be more “powerful” and smells better. I used to thread underneath my chin, but have just found out that I get too many ingrown hairs from that method, so it’s back to waxing. But, I like threading my lip and my eyebrows because it lasts longer. Seems like I’m in a constant state of hair removal!

  12. June 14, 2012 @ 4:12 pm Kathybat

    I’ve tried all the brands, every year (this year I vow not to cave) I talk myself into buying whatever latest version they have out in the hopes that it works. It never does. I have bionic hairs apparently.

  13. June 14, 2012 @ 10:11 pm Sophia Grace

    I’m not a shaver. Of course, I haven’t been in my bathing suit in a while. Maybe I would be, then. Au natural, minus the bikini, and I’m not going anywhere near that hot wax. :D


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