The Hair Down There: Depilatory Dilemmas
I recently had an online discussion about landscaping with my female friends. We discussed it for DAYS.
Who knew such a mundane (I thought) subject would illicit so many opinions from a group of women who literally live all over the world? I was delighted at the furor of posts that flew hard and fast about what a gal goes through (or not) to keep herself tidy below the belt.
I admit to stirring the pot by talking about my love affair with waxing.
A few years ago I started writing beauty reviews for a prominent New York-based website and one of my first assignments was to try out a Brazilian wax at an establishment competing with the famous J Sisters company. Up until that point–we’re talking decades here–I’d only used a razor to trim the hedges, so to speak. Well, after that first wax, I was a convert. In fact, I took a personal oath to recruit as many women as I could to partake in this phenomenon. I mean, DID PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THIS? No more Nair, no more contorting yourself in the shower. This was freedom!
And so I waxed on (I know) about it at parties, bat mitzvahs, and wherever I could bring it up to my fellow lady friends. Because, I have no shame and what else is there to talk about? Babies? No thanks.
The result was always the same and similar to my online discussion–there was either fear, loathing, or a longing to try it.
I wanted to really address the two issues of fear and longing (loathing I have no time for) and decided to go to Completely Bare in New York City so they could answer the concerns women have about bikini and Brazilian waxes. The owner of CB is Cindy Barshop, a former cast member of Bravo TV’s Real Housewives of New York City.
I was due for some maintenance anyway, so I decided to interview my technician Ildi while I was there–you know knock out two birds with one bush! (I know, I know!).
We talked about two things:
The Fear: Many women believe a wax is going to hurt like hell. They’ve seen Steve Carell on The 40-Year Old Virgin and think there’s going to be painful horrible and ripping. Or they’re scared of the idea of it in general.
The Reality: If you’ve given birth–you can damn near sleep through a bikini wax. And if you haven’t given birth, good technicians like Ildi are gentle and work in a Lamaze like manner, having you breathe in and out at the right moments. Sure, it may sting some if you’re ultra-sensitive (and good places have wax for sensitive skin). But you will not die. I promise. Some gals take an Advil beforehand, but Ildi believes that’s more of a placebo than a necessity. Her recommendation if you’re that nervous? A little drinky drink beforehand. A glass of wine and you’ll be fine.
The Embarrassment: The idea of a woman seeing your vagina? Well, glory be, I mean, what the what? Or, you’re feeling a little red in the face because it’ll be your first time and frankly, things are a little Bush Gardens down there.
The Reality: Ladies, we are all females. We have the same parts. Waxers have seen all the external bits your gynecologist has. They aren’t giving you a Pap smear! And seriously they are not ogling you or all secret lesbians. These women are too busy doing their jobs preparing strips, removing strips, etc. They are working quickly because the best waxers are seeing DOZENS of women a day. This isn’t a touchy-feely moment. You cannot shock them and this is not a sexual experience.
Oh, and for the woman who is in between grooming because she’s new to landscaping or she was in-between downtown visitors so had no reason to bother her nether regions? Our friend at Completely Bare says two things:
Let Us Trim You: A quality waxer does not mind doing this. In fact, they prefer it. This way they can make sure everything is removed evenly
DON’T Shave Beforehand: Like the person who cleans before the maid arrives, shaving before a wax is useless. If you do that, you may not have enough hair left for a service.
Now, once you’ve decided to take the plunge there are a plethora of options–from a simple bikini wax which is merely shaping up the sides and top of the pubic area, to full Brazilians which is, well, completely bare. Then there are choices in between. It’s all custom tailored to your comfort. Prefer everything off except a little “landing strip”? Easily done. Want to have a little triangle? No problem. Just talk to your technician and they’ll do your bidding.
Want to get fancy? Completely Bare is all about it, especially with their Vajewel service. I wanted to jazz it up, so I went ahead and tried it. Had the word “sexy” in sparkly Swarovski-like jewels applied. I could have opted for a heart, a bird or something more modest, but I figure, if you’re going to go for it, GO FOR IT.
I felt like a superstar. I understood why Paris Hilton and all those L.A. starlets don’t wear undies.
When you’re Vajeweling–you don’t wanna wear anything! It was so cute!
Ildi told me if I was careful, the crystals could stay on up to two weeks, even with showering.
Mine came off in two days. I’ll let you figure out why.