The New Mom Gift That Keeps On Giving

by TripleZmom

So let’s say you’ve had a couple of kids, maybe like 15 months apart. Or maybe 15 years apart, whatever. And maybe you gained a lot of weight that you don’t have the energy to lose; plus you really like food. Or maybe the scale is back to the right number but it feels like now everything droops down to your knees. Maybe when your partner touches you you think, “Oh my, if it’s not the baby on the boob it’s the toddler on the lap and now him too? I just want to be left alone!” Or possibly every time you sit still enough to be touched your snoring kills the mood.

Which is actually fine with you because the prospect of having sex makes you a little nervous. Or a little disgusted. Or a little depressed. Or a little teary. Or exhausted. Or some combination therein. Now, if you are in a long term relationship of some kind, or would like to be in one someday, or would like to be happily single, you can’t let things go on like this.

Not because you’re sick of gulping wine when your friend talks about her fabulous sex life.

Not because you’re “supposed to” feel like it 6 weeks after giving birth.

Not because your husband keeps watching “American Pie” and saying he’s going to learn to bake.

But because you will feel better after a few orgasms. And after you start having orgasms, you will start feeling more sexual. You might also sleep more soundly, at least until the baby wakes you up. Your skin will look better. You will be more relaxed. Eventually you will become so interested in sex that not only will you want to have it you will not care what you look like while doing so.

The key here is to start the orgasms before you start the sex. When you are exhausted and hormonal and flabby and you’ve got a kid (or 2 or 3) hanging on you 20 hours a day you cannot start with the sex. That sex will be obligatory and boring and make you stunningly aware of your flab, stretch marks and lack of flexibility. You will be annoyed with your partner for wanting to have sex and annoyed with yourself for not being into it. It will suck. Probably. SOME people are able to jump right back into things.

I think those people are called porn stars.

For the rest of us, vibrators are our friends. Ten minutes. No emotions. No worrying about anyone else. Maybe even fantasies and multiple orgasms. Suddenly, your sexual self will come rushing back. The flab and the exhaustion will pale in comparison to the desire to get laid. The groove comes back. Maybe not exactly the way it used to be but at least something vaguely recognizable.

Now, if only Babies-R-Us would let you register for vibrators.

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'The New Mom Gift That Keeps On Giving' have 1 comment

  1. January 23, 2011 @ 9:49 am Karie

    I think women feel so much pressure and they should not. Not only should we love our bodies but love that we have choices that are A-ok to make which is the choice to not have sex or to have sex or to have sex singularly with our toy. I am thankful that I have never experienced that pressure and lucky my partner likes to watch our money at work, pardon the pun, with our investment in a vibrator. I also think an investment in a couple of good toys is a must for any woman.


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