The Smart Girl’s One-Night Stand Toolkit
“To me, a successful one-night stand is more than just sloppily hooking up in the bathroom of a dive bar or banging someone in the back of your friend’s jeep,” he says. “Successful one-night stands require a clear head, an imagination, a sober penis, and a small bit of planning.”
Drake’s right, especially about the importance of planning ahead. In particular, it got me wondering what a smart girl should keep in her one-night stand toolkit. Whether you go out one night with the intention of finding company for the evening, or you’re going on a date that may turn into more, there are some things you’ll want to have on hand for the best night (and morning-after) possible.
Cell phone – You probably already have one of these, so here’s how to use it to keep you safe. Before you leave the public place where you’ve met your date, get the person’s full name and cell phone number, and tell them you’re sending it right now to your best friend or wingbitch. Let them know you’ll check in with your friend periodically to let her know you’re okay. If they have a problem with this, you need to walk away immediately.
Some girls I know go so far as to take pics of a guy, his license plate, etc., but that can get a little awkward. In the end, use your judgment here. If your creep-alarm sounds at any point, just ditch the whole idea and go home alone.
Oh, and make sure you have a phone charger in your bag so you don’t run out of juice. If you can’t keep your friend updated on your whereabouts because of a dead phone battery, you might inadvertently send her into a panic.
Condoms – Don’t assume the guy will have protection so always keep your own handy. I’m completely amazed at the amount of men who will sleep with a near or total stranger without gloving up, so never assume protection are at the top of his shopping list.
Mouthwash or a travel toothbrush – If you spend the night out, you don’t want to assault anyone with dragon breath first thing in the morning. Keep a small toothbrush or travel-size bottle of mouthwash stashed in your bag.
Contact lens case – Pre-fill a small case with lens cleaner so you can take your contacts out before you fall asleep, and avoid waking with them glued to your eyeballs the next morning.
Makeup – Don’t haul your entire bag of foundation, powder, lipliner, and seven types of eyeshadow around with you, but do keep a couple of crucial items in your toolkit to touch up in the morning. Eyeliner, concealer, lipgloss, and some blush should do the trick and can be applied in about a minute.
Stash of cash – If you went to their place in one car, you may need to go back and fetch yours the next day. A decent person will offer to drive you to get your vehicle. But if that doesn’t happen, or you had a terrible time and just want to get away, you’ll have cab fare at the ready.
Of course, this toolkit assumes your going back to their place for the night. If the opposite is true, you’ll need an in-home kit.
It’s awkward to offer someone a brand new, still-in-the-wrapper toothbrush in the morning without seeming like you’re overly familiar with one-night stands. To make things a little less uncomfortable, simply say you got a two-for-one deal when you bought your last toothbrush, or sat your dentist gave you a batch at your last exam. Of course it’s complete crap, but your company will be grateful for the reasonable “explanation”.
But, there’s also no rule that says you have to spend the entire night together. Not long ago, a friend of mine had a romping good time with a new beau that lasted into the wee hours of the morning. He wanted to stay the night but, she asked him to leave. The reason? “I sent him home because I liked him and wanted to see him again,” she said. “I wanted him to have a sample, and then miss that shit.”
I couldn’t agree with this concept more. It’s nice to wake up next to a warm, hard body but it’s equally as nice to think about them driving home in the middle of the night, rehashing every moment of your time together and figuring out when they can see you next.
Walt Disney was right. “Always leave ‘em wanting more.”
What else should go into a one-night stand toolkit? Let me know in the comments.