Ladies, men are pigs.
I can definitely vouch for us.
We are incapable of falling in love “at first sight”. Hell, a lot of us are incapable of falling in love at all. It’s something that takes time. And it’s my opinion that women fall harder and faster than men. Women are attracted to what they hear while men are attracted to what they can do with the other four senses. Women want relationships. That’s how they are wired. After a random ‘enounter’, most women will assess the situation from the perspective of “is this guy someone I can successfully date?”, while most men will look at it from the perspective of “is this girl someone I can successfully avoid?”
I am one of the least manly guys on the planet. I know nothing about repairing cars, and way too much about Glee. Yet even I am just an asshole that loves to chase. So by that logic, real men are even bigger assholes that love the chase even more. It’s absolutely true what they say about men wanting what they can’t have.
Once I have had something, I want something else. I want to earn something else.
The urge to hunt and chase is so utterly primal and masculine that we can’t not do it. Challenges, puzzles, and risks. These are all things that pay off in the end. And they are all things we love to put ourselves through for the sake of scoring with a hot chick. There are reasons for this:
1. It’s a win/win –
There is no pressure when you’re chasing a girl. If you fail, so what? All you have lost is a free drink or two (If he buys you more than two drinks, run away because you’re probably going to be date-raped). But it’s not like we lost time, too. We wanted what we couldn’t have, and who gets bored when they are being challenged? We had fun pursuing you, and now that the night is over, if we saw some chick’s awesome cleavage in the midst of getting rejected by a handful of other ladies, we will consider it a good night. We will go home excited with the prospect of what the next day will bring in the realm of sexual conquests.
If we succeeded, then we did just that. We won. Welcome to the bedpost, whatever your name was.
The only way it isn’t a win/win is if you leave with another guy. Bonus ‘cockpunch points’ if it’s one of our friends.
2. She might be Olivia Wilde –
Sure, it’s a one in three-billion shot. But men are the sole reason that Las Vegas exists. We are gamblers.
Jokes. Of course I don’t mean the ACTUAL Olivia Wilde. But, when a man finds a lady he wants to chase, he has already set her up for failure.
We spend all this time (two hours) trying to get to know her and building her up to be this perfect, unattainable creature. And we won’t know that she isn’t until we actually have her. It’s not until we actually get the woman that we discover she has fallen far short of the impossibly high standards we set for her.
But we will gladly hold our head high and move on to the next one just in case she actually *can* meet those standards.
3. Anything is possible –
Women always refer to that period in the beginning of a relationship where everything is perfect and vibing positively. It feels absolutely amazing. But men have a superpower: We can feel that way without all the commitment bullshit. The minute we know a lady might be interested in us, even a little bit, our ego (amongst other things) is stroked. You’re our new favorite person because you validate us a human being, and make the stress we put ourselves through about which cologne to wear, all worth it. We can’t get much happier than we are when we know that there is the possibility of us getting laid by a lady we have already established, at least for the time being, to be our ideal woman. The sky is the limit.
Once the chase is over, even if we have won, we get bored. We are getting something that is no longer forbidden fruit. There’s no more game to play. No challenge. No wonder. No curiousity.
Ladies, take this small insight into the male psyche and apply it to your own lives if you’re so inclined. If you’re in a relationship, throw a (healthy) challenge or two in the direction of your significant other to make them remember how great you are.
And if you’re single, make the men chase you in circles until they almost break. Force them to prioritize you.
Chasing a woman is easy. Lazy, almost. It’s once we get one, and feelings get invloved, and we have to coexist with them in actual human relationships, that things become difficult.
Ryan Drake is a stand-up comedian, podcaster, improvisor, and avid Twitterer from Oklahoma City. He’s 23 years old and pretends to know more about women, sex, and relationships than most people his age, even though he is usually quite clueless. He encourages you to follow him on Twitter (@rayke) so you can always know when he’s using the bathroom, and check out his (very crass) podcast if you’re in desperate need of a laugh: www.curbcheckedenthusiasm.com