50 shades of grey thoughts

50 Shades of Yawn

Listen, I’m no prude. I enjoy sex and am very vocal about the fact.  And while I usually keep mum about what happens between me and my personal sheets , I’ll talk about sex forever. Quite honestly, I love hearing about others thoughts and experiences–it’s fascinating to me. And let me say now, I know nothing about S&M–the only experience I have is when I tell my husband he’s having sex tonight and use my “demanding and not to be ignored” tone.

So, when a ton of my friends were moaning and ahhh’ing over the New York Times bestseller, 50 Shades of Grey, I decided to follow the sheep. I caved and bought it for my Kindle, even though I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be my bag.

It wasn’t. Not even close.

I kept my mind WAY open as I began to read the latest Mommy Porn phenomenon. I read. And felt nothing like what seems like everyone on the planet was having orgasms over. I was disappointed I didn’t even feel a tickle in my girly bits.

Personally, I couldn’t get past the redundancy of the writer’s word choices and the fact that her characters are supposed to be American yet they speak suspiciously like someone from, say…England. Which meant that I was also reading it in my annoyingly distracting fake English accent. Let’s not forget to mention that it was, BY FAR, the most poorly written book I’ve ever laid my poor eyes upon. I mean, to me, Twilight sucked and this one made it look brilliant.

I made it halfway through the first book and then..I couldn’t read anymore. My sanity couldn’t take it.

But, I’ve got some thoughts on why this book has taken over every nightstand on the planet:

Sex. OK, you’re like “DUH, no shit.” But hear me out. I have a theory that’s been validated by some friends that feel the same way about these books as I do.

Married sex.  After awhile, it can become monotonous to some,  creating an unsatisfying sex life. This book creates a fantasy life that bored (ish) women can live vicariously through. It gives them something to fantasize about while in missionary position. I think women who are unhappy, bored, unsatisfied or whatever, are the ones who can’t put this book down.

I spoke with some of my friends who are getting laid (and orgasming!) on a regular basis, and none of them liked 50 Shades of Grey. Every single friend I spoke with who is happily sexified, hated the book. Which left me with my very unscientific theory:

Women who are having sex regularly and enjoying it, aren’t  enjoying this book.

Here is what some of them had to say:

Kristen at Fun Being Frugal shared “I think a large part of its popularity might be due to so many men being out of work. When you’re a man and feel so emasculated, it takes effect in the bedroom I’d imagine.”

Jane Devinwas turned off. “It’s actually frightening to me that in a time when so many are trying to take power away from women that a book in which a woman is submissive has become popular. I’m no prude and even enjoy a little D/S play, but this has become a cultural statement and not just a fun little sex romp.”

Elisa Bieg of Globetrotting In Heels thinks “it was very poorly written, and the main character’s inner dialogue was, frankly, demented.”

Erin at Mommy on the Spotn said, “First of all, I was totally disgusted with how masochistic Christian is. That first sex scene made me queasy.”

My friend Wendy had plenty to say. “It’s like a traffic accident or the John Edwards trial. You know it is killing your brain cells and y0u’re embarrassed that you’re turning the page instead of walking away. I walked away after 100 pages and felt ill that I’d wasted that much time. I can’t say why people like it. It is exploitation of a smart young woman into a sexual toy who doesn’t say no. What baffles me is that smart women are buying it!”

And lastly, Kelly at Mochamomma thought “The sentence structure alone was enough to make me cringe and she repeats the same phrases ad nauseum. If she bit her lip one more damn time I was gonna scream. I’m fine with the sex if women want to read that. Hell, it’s GREAT to read good sex scenes. Just not contractually.”

Well, now I don’t feel like I’m the only black sheep in a field of 50 grey.

Let us know what you think of “50 Shades of Grey”. Did you love it? Hate it? Why?

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'50 Shades of Yawn' have 17 comments

  1. May 30, 2012 @ 4:51 am Corrin

    I’ve held the same unpopular view for the past several months and started an uproar among friends on Facebook when I called it 50 Shades of Boring. Even my mother was nonplussed.

  2. May 30, 2012 @ 5:17 am Loukia

    Oh man. It’s the most awful book I have ever read! The grammar! The ridiculous sentences! The pathetic characters! All of it – garbage.

  3. May 30, 2012 @ 6:28 am Jenn S

    I read the first book because I had to know what everyone was gushing about… I refuse to read the second book. It didn’t do it for me, at all. Yawn – BDSM, been there, done that, have the pictures from sophmore year in college Halloween to prove it… oh wait, I was the dominant one. Maybe that’s why it didn’t do it for me…

  4. May 30, 2012 @ 12:22 pm Erin@MommyontheSpot

    So glad that I am not the only one who felt this way! Great post!!

  5. May 31, 2012 @ 10:24 am Kathybat

    I haven’t even touched it, just the reviews about the horrible writing kept me from picking it up, and like the comment from kelly at mochamomma, I despise when authors repeat the same things over and over again. That alone would keep me from reading it.

  6. May 31, 2012 @ 11:06 am Chanize

    This book has been sitting in my carry-on bag for TWO WEEKS. I chased it down because I couldn’t find it anywhere. And now that I have it…? It proves I like the thrill of the chase above all else, apparently. Still, I’m reserving judgment until I get past chapter 5, which my BFF tells me is when it really starts getting good.

  7. May 31, 2012 @ 12:52 pm Mitchtress

    I haven’t read it, although I was thinking about it. Then I was warned about sloppy sentence structure, bad grammar and the worst sin of all: repetitive remarks. If you have to keep saying the same thing over and over and can’t find a new way to say it, you didn’t have enough to say in the first place.

  8. May 31, 2012 @ 2:12 pm Chanize

    I was watching a girl read the book by a pool. Less than 20 minutes and she was asleep! I don’t know whether to blame the sun or the book!

  9. June 1, 2012 @ 6:04 pm Shana D

    I haven’t read any of the books. I’ve heard from many how poorly written they are so they aren’t on my must read asap list of books.

  10. June 3, 2012 @ 10:31 am Kim

    “Clambered” How many friggin times can you put that in one book???? As far as I know, I don’t clamber anywhere, yet they seem to do it everywhere. I read the first, got thru the second, & then I just couldn’t do it anymore. & I was pissed at myself for spending the money on not 1, but 2 books, that were just ok, but I didn’t love. I’d heard you talking about the books a while ago, so I figured it would be a waste of time, then I’d heard enough people say how good they were, so I gave in. I should have trusted my 1st instinct…& I’d have $20 more in the bank. *sigh*

  11. June 3, 2012 @ 7:29 pm Allison Zapata

    I am having regular sex and orgasms and I love reading/watching stuff like that. Makes our sex life even hotter :)

  12. June 3, 2012 @ 7:32 pm Allison Zapata

    Oh Oh, I have a theory, too. :)

    That people refer to these books as “mommy porn” because it makes them feel better about liking porn just as much as men do :)

  13. June 6, 2012 @ 11:16 am jen

    Meh. The most amusing thing about all of this is that Erika Leonard got her start writing Twilight fan fiction under the name “Snowqueens Icedragon”. I mean…that kind of says it all, doesn’t it?

  14. June 6, 2012 @ 12:50 pm @MryJhnsn from iNeedaPlaydate

    hmmm… maybe I’m not satisfied? But, then again, I am not reading it because it is a classic or has the potential to be a classic. I just like a quick, fun read.

    I also agree with Allison I like porn I can read rather then watch.

  15. June 8, 2012 @ 2:55 pm scott

    So I guess mine is the dude’s (and fellow redditor’s) perspective.

    I couldn’t resist the hype and had to give it a read. Ultimately it was everything I expected it to be… poorly written and somewhat average porn. You can easily find writing of equal or better quality, that is free and a hell of a lot shorter, on pretty much any erotica site out there. That being said I ended up giving it 3 stars (on goodreads) purely for the social context. As a dude anything, as poorly written as it may be, that opens up peoples acceptance to erotica or the spicier side of things is 100% cool with me.

    @Allison, I definitely agree with you on the comfort level, something I hadn’t considered before.

  16. June 8, 2012 @ 3:07 pm NoThanks

    I hated her writing style. If you actually read the dialogue out loud (writing lesson number 1…) it sounds ridiculous. Most of it was completely unrealistic, not to meantion corny and ill-placed. There were a lot of aspects of her writing style that bothered me, but I have to disagree on the point that it was worse than Twilight. Reading those made me feel like my brain was bleeding…

    If you actually read all three books there were a few other things that drove me just as crazy. I know, I’m probably insane for reading all three, but I often read all of the books in a series on the off-chance that something will improve (Twilight for instance…) But honestly I don’t think that the writing was the only horrible aspect, but also the idea that enjoying an S&M or BDSM lifestyle is supposedly something that can, and should, be “fixed” in a person. Her writing didn’t improve much, but the open-minded portion of the novel went down hill quickly. She also didn’t actually include much S&M in it at all. A little slap and tickle might be exciting, but for someone who was supposedly a sadist he held his shit together really well. I just didn’t understand where the chatter about how risky it is came from. Read a book that is actually supposed to be about the S&M seen, and you’ll see what I mean.

  17. June 10, 2012 @ 12:14 pm Caperton

    As Christian breached her maidenhead (which, by some twist of anatomy, had wandered up about halfway into her vagina), she exclaimed, “Argh!”


    Which, coincidentally, what I was saying (murmuring?) pretty much the whole way through.

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