Not Your Usual Sexual Contortionist

I am a sexual contortionist. But, not in the way you’re thinking. I go through amazing physical lengths to hide my body insecurity.

My husband and I used to have a great sex life. He joined the Navy a year after we married, so we’d go months without seeing each other. When he would come home from his deployments, it was all I could do to not rip his clothes off right there in front of the other wives who were watching and waiting for their men on the dock. My sex drive had never been that high, but when my husband was gone for months at a time it was all I could think about when he returned.

We’ve been married for over 15 years now, and places on my body have stretched and sagged. Over the years our sex life has gone down, but my husband assures me it’s not due to my physical appearance.

Two years ago I had my daughter, which led to more body betrayals and insecurity. Sex became exhausting but not for the right reasons.

Before our clothes came off, I’d make sure the lights were out. His hands would roam all over my body and I would suck my stomach in.

I had a move to make my breasts look perky. You know the one. Arms laying at my side and lifting my breasts up so they wouldn’t fall into my armpits.

I’d be in the most uncomfortable positions so I’d look better. Stomach, that had remnants of Caesarean section and abdominal scars sucked in so I could barely breathe, arms holding up boobs, head turned a certain way to disguise double chin.

Let’s not even

To top it off, I’d try to guide my husband’s hands to the one place on my body I wasn’t self-conscious about,my hair. 

I’d became a pro at being a contortionist. I’d hoped he might oversee the extra pregnancy weight I’d put on, but the scars are like a big flashing neon sign to me.

Fortunately, I am becoming better with my insecurity although it’s been slow going. I no longer feel the need to wear a shirt to bed, but I still don’t feel like I’m at a place where I can fully enjoy sex like I used to.

Every now and then my husband makes fun of his love handles or a little thinning along his hairline and I hate to hear him talk that way about himself.

If only I could get it in my head that he feels the same way when I put myself down.

image: google

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'Not Your Usual Sexual Contortionist' have 8 comments

  1. February 22, 2011 @ 7:31 am Sara O'Flaherty

    You know, I read something once that completely changed my view on myself during sex. A guy online was talking about how in the moment, men see all of you, and not the little details that we focus on. He said that women friends have told him when guys throw your legs over their shoulders to nail you, you are worried about your boobs rolling off to the sides(true), how your stomach pooches up with the angle(very true), and whether laying like that makes your double chin more prominent.

    What is the guy thinking right then? “Look at her, she’s like a contortionist! And her pu**y is like RIGHT THERE!! Awesome!!”

    LOL..Just a little perspective!

  2. February 22, 2011 @ 7:34 am Tweets that mention Sex and Insecurity | You Won't Go Blind --

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tara R., Melissa. Melissa said: Sex and Insecurity #YWGB […]

  3. February 22, 2011 @ 8:27 am Elle

    I need to keep that in mind for next time, Lol! It’s true though, they probably see everything but only have their mind on one thing.

  4. February 23, 2011 @ 12:10 pm Stefanie

    I too wish I cared less about the silly meaningless little things and could remind myself that he doesn’t care. I have gotten better at it over the years. I will be 40 on Monday. But? I am still guilty of letting it take some of the pleasure away from me. Maybe by 41…

  5. February 23, 2011 @ 1:10 pm Deb @ San Diego Momma

    Something I struggle with too. What you and Sara wrote? Helps put it all in perspective. Still….

  6. February 23, 2011 @ 6:22 pm ShredderFeeder

    Elle –

    We don’t care. Really. I think my wife is as beautiful physically now as she ever has been. But like you, she doesn’t agree. 20 years and 3 kids does a number on a person, but to me it’s all a part of it. Each scratch is a memory, each wrinkle was caused by an event, every gray hair brought about by one of our kids. (ok, our youngest owns most of those).

    “Sexiness” is about 90% attitude. It’s not about how close you are to a size six, it’s about that look you give us that makes us think dirty, dirty thoughts, and then knowing that you’re going to follow through later.

    I think speaking for myself, because I’m not sure what other men think, being wanted is key. And by wanted I mean WANTED.

    THAT is sexy.

  7. February 24, 2011 @ 5:57 pm Dan

    Self-confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can possess. I find that an emotional connection is much more vital to a wonderful sexual experience than a physical one. Bodies come and go, but the mind is forever.

  8. March 13, 2011 @ 7:55 pm Heather

    I feel ya.

    I do so many of the same things. Add in the fact that I almost always have pain during sex and it makes your libido drop into negative numbers.

    My suggestion is to wear an opaque nightie. Something that helps hold the boobs in place and covers you tummy a little might make you feel a little more secure.

    It worked for me, but not my DH. He’d rather have me wear a bra and I just can’t do it.

    I’m at 170lbs. When we got married 14 years ago I was 102. He doesn’t care but I sure do.

    Good luck!

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