The Spider That Churned Butter Down The Waterfall And Other Crazy Sex Positions

Okay, I’ll admit, I made up the name in the title.  The monikers given to sexual positions are quite hilarious, though. Not to mention that many are next to impossible to do comfortably, without feeling like a Mack Truck ran you over the next day.

Have you ever watched a movie when the lovers burst in through the door of their hotel room/apartment/house and throw down right there against the wall? I could name a bazillion and a half movies and books where that happens, the clothes are shed in a pile by the door, the woman wraps her legs around her mans waist and he pounds her through the foyer wall.

But have you ever tried that at home? Like…in real life? 

Yeah. No. It never paints as hot a picture as it does on the big screen or that little movie screen in your mind. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. Right? Unless, of course, you’ve mastered it and then I bow down to you. Because that’s sort of a huge feat.

Listen, I’m all about experimentation. To a degree. Unless it’s life-threatening or WAY outside of my comfort zone. Then, not so much.

But then, there’s the whole contortionist thing. If my body is being thrown into poses it’s not used to…I’m going to be too busy trying to strike and maintain that pose. I’m not going to be enjoying what I’m supposed to be enjoying. The whole point to having sex…besides the whole connecting with your partner and blah blah blah, is the release.

How can you ride the waves if you’re too busy trying to balance on the surfboard…so to speak.

This article, first featured in Cracked, talks about the 7 most preposterous sex positions ever

While there are quite a few that have been um…mastered successfully…in a certain writer’s personal life…there are a few here that have my nether regions building a blockade with a “No entry” sign.

So, tell us, dear readers…are these positions as crazy preposterous as the article states or have you mastered them in your own bedrooms?



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'The Spider That Churned Butter Down The Waterfall And Other Crazy Sex Positions' have 1 comment

  1. March 21, 2015 @ 7:56 am mari

    The waterfall works best from a lower object like a couch or better a mattress on the floor. As for hall sex, yes a weaker man cannot do this. Lol. Wheelbarrow ends up being on your forearms while trying to keep your head up and NOT get rug burn.

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