I am not shy.
Well, that’s not true. I’m actually BRUTALLY shy in person, but on the internet, I’ve been known to blab.
Well, maybe more than a little, but never mind that part.
One of the inconvenient issues of being — ahem — a woman of a certain age is a … um … well, for lack of a better work, MOISTURE problem.
Baby, the Sahara Desert’s got nothin’ on me.
So the Wonderhubby and I have often experimented with the solution leading to all things moist.
Yep, we’re talking lube here.
So once upon a time, we experimented with a little his-and-hers kind of thing, called (cleverly) Yours and Mine.
It comes in two separate bottles, one for him to use on her and one for her to use on him.
They’re color-coded, see? One is blue, one is purple. One for him and one for her. Used in tandem, the combination is supposed to be (and I quote) “thrilling” for both of you.
But here’s the problem:
Have you ever tried to figure out the difference between blue and purple IN THE DARK?
Plus, the writing on these suckers are teeny. And it doesn’t say HIS and HERS. It’s says YOURS and MINE.
Well, hell. Who is who here? You? Me? Her? Him? WTF???
I really wanted to give you a detailed review of what “thrilling” really means in the Casa de Janet, but … uh … the bedroom scene really went more like this:
Wonderhubby: You want to use some … uh …?
Evil Wife: We have that two-fer stuff, if you want to use that.
Wonderhubby: *reaching into the nightstand drawer for the two tubes of thrill* Which one is which again?
Evil Wife: *squinting in the dark* I can never remember which one is which. What does it say on the bottles?
Wonderhubby: Wait, what is Yours? Is that mine? Or is that really yours? Is that yours for me or yours for you?
Evil Wife: WHAT???????
Wonderhubby: Wait. Is blue for you? Or is blue for me? Is this the blue one? Or is that really purple? I can’t see the color, and I cant see what it says. Can you see what it says?
Evil Wife: Wait wait wait. If it says Mine, is that for me or is that for you? Does this say Mine?
Wonderhubby: Wait. Is purple for you or for me?
Evil Wife: *totally ruining the mood* Oh, turn on the freakin’ light, for crap’s sake.
Instead, Wonderhubby reached for his cell phone.
What? You gonna make a call?
But no. He flipped it open and used the light from the phone to illuminate a blue tube labeled “Yours (for him)” and a purple tube labeled “Mine (for her).”
And I gotta tell ya, at this point? I had given in to hysterical, maniacally uncontrollable laughter.
It took a loooooooong time to get back to business.
image credit: Getty